The Ivory Tower

Why academics may not be the best advisors for your career path

I am currently reading another one of Devon Price’s groundbreaking works. This one is called Unmasking for Life. I loved Unmasking Autism and madly respect Devon Price’s incredible intellect. He is an intellectual far beyond the level of any other autistic academics in the world today, at least those who are open and vocal about their platform. I have to say I have a lot of respect that he is willing to, so readily put himself out there and take such serious risks sharing such polarizing opinions, but I also have to say some opinions are academic theoretical opinions and not life advice.

His academic advice to look into gig work, be a domestic laborer, or look into “sex work” misses the mark for high-masking, high-achieving women. Even as I have lost the ability to mask due to perimenopause and burnout, and my failing health. I also have a strong desire to stop fawning and people-pleasing my way through life. I still cannot see a world in which “sex work” or any kind of adult entertainment would be a good choice for most women, particularly young women who have not yet decided the kind of career they actually want and are not prepared to deal with the fall out of going into adult entertainment and the perminent foot print that comes with working in any industry but particularly one that involved filming ones self in the information age.

The reason I don’t recommend women of any kind, and particularly women who are multiply marginalized, to go into adult entertainment of any kind is that they are more likely to be abused, taken advantage of, or trafficked, and believe it or not,

A person can be trafficked without knowing they are being trafficked! A person’s family may also not be aware that they are being trafficked while it is happening.

People think that trafficking is this wild, rare thing where someone is kidnapped and forced into the illegal sex trade industry, but sadly, it’s often something that happens right under people’s noses while the young person is living at home, even.

This is the whole point of grooming and why groomers do what they do to train their victims to be compliant. Autistics are ideal victims because they have been trained all their lives to please people, be compliant, do what they are told, and put others’ needs ahead of their own.

Autistic women are notoriously good at following directions and doing what we are told; that’s part of the reason ABA is so popular. We are much easier to deal with when we are compliant and amenable to others. However, we are much more likely to be abused or fall victim to a host of other crimes if we are trained to be compliant and not trained to advocate for our needs, wants, and boundaries.

We must learn how to say NO for our own safety.

We are more joyful, peaceful, and SAFE when we feel the capacity and the efficacy to speak out for our needs and wants. Not that anyone wants us to be able to do that.

One of my biggest problems with the Patriarchy is how it capitalizes on young women. Youth and femininity are extractable resources that are mined until a woman turns about 40 and basically becomes invisible. One of my major missions in life as a 40-year-old hedge witch, I kid, I kid, but as a person who is truly embracing who she is and what she wants, is the capacity to go against the grain, be disliked, and be polarizing, and as a “fawn response” survival mechanism pathological, people-pleaser, formerly self identifying as co-dependent (though now I think that’s just a way to blame shift to victimes of trauma and abuse) in recovery, this is hard for me. It’s even hard for me to speak out against such an articulate author and advocate’s opinions. I hate the idea of being disliked by someone I have so much respect for. Someone I would love to be friends with. But that is part of my “BECOMING,” it’s stepping into my beliefs, opinions, and values even if they are polarizing.

Recommending that someone contact their local county or just “call 211” is tone deaf. While it’s easy for a salaried academic to offer this advice from on high, it really misses the mark for burned-out high achievers like me and probably like you if you’re reading my work. When you have spent your life and career working in high-level leadership roles and suddenly find yourselves in the dregs of burnout it’s not really helpful for someone to shout down to to you like Gru to the Minions below “go into sex work,” “get a job as a domestic laborer for rich friends,” “have you tried gig work?” that’s not really a thing though I have known people who work in all of those fields. I have worked in some of those fields, and they are not without their faults. Not to mention, they have very low job security and no long-term planning, another topic discussed later in the book. It would be great if we all had a rich and wonderful network, but even someone like me, who has been business networking for decades, has limited contacts and associates, and none who are willing to house me or help me financially outside my family. This is why I have to make clear that this book is hypothetical and based on academic theory, not on the reality that most late-realized autistics live in.

I received my diagnosis later in life, as discussed in the book. I also burned out much more royally than my brother, who was diagnosed early in life. I was part of the lost generation, the generation of girls in the 80s and 90s who were entirely overlooked. I was missed because my mom didn’t want me labeled, and largely didn’t appreciate the recommended therapies like ABA. My brother never had to do ABA therapy because she didn’t see it as an appropriate intervention. That said, I still learned deep compliance from my family of origin, particularly my father, who taught me to do as I was told and not question his authority. This set me up for a dangerous coming-of-age story, in which I carried these lessons into my romantic interactions and relationships with men who took advantage of my passivity. I also became one of the women who developed a “host” of invisible illnesses. It’s said these days that a woman can either be a “bitch” or develop autoimmune disease, and if you can please choose "bitch” I’m trying to hone my bitchyness as we speak, really just the ability to advocate for my needs, disappoint people, and set boundaries. Patriarchy, capitalism, and this current administration want us all to behave like trad wives.

I personally have dreams of homesteading, not even because I want to “live off the land” and be off-grid, but because I want the freedom to live as I am without other people telling me how to do it. I just want to be relieved of constantly being judged day in and day out.

I just want to be friends, Dr. Devon Price! I think so many of us autistics who are high achievers are deeply lonely, and agree with me or not, Dr. Price, you are a high achiever even if you consider yourself “in recovery”. I do too, but man, it's hard.

I am working hard to create a life that does not require me to pretzel myself into some odd shape just to be acceptable and pay the bills. I walk a thin line between being open about my autism and keeping it protected in my personal life, and I am only truly open about my diagnosis online. I have tried to be open with the people in my life, with mixed results.

My long-time friends are aware of my diagnosis, but I had a more recent friend that I made, with whom I was honest from the beginning about my autism diagnosis, and the minute I advocated for my needs and said I needed accommodations, she dumped me. Of course, this person said it was unrelated, and I never got real closure. Essentially, I became inconvenient, so she ended our friendship.

I am deeply conflicted about being openly autistic, particularly as I have a strong desire to date again at some point and worry about attracting predators just based on the fact that I am open about my autism diagnosis. I also have concerns about its effect on my corporate employability, though masking incapacity is likely the driving force keeping me out of corporate right now. When I came out about my diagnosis online I had every intention and belief that it would “lead me straight to the bank” once others saw that I was successful and capable they would open their wallets for support as I so eagerly did from others but it turns out I’m a bit of a unicorn clients or at least I used to be and many of us struggle financially much more than I ever did. In hindsight, I really wish I had saved more money when I was earning more money.

But back to vocations and work. What kind of work can we actually do as autistics without having to mask within an inch of our lives? I found myself masking as a coach for other autistics, so I am moving toward asynchronous work, which has worked well for me in a remote corporate environment. Doing most of my work remotely and asynchronously is best suited for my work style. I absolutely love high-level problem-solving and delegation, so solopreneurship has been frustrating, to say the least, as I have had no one to delegate to and have tried to do everything myself. I think I am getting to a point where I no longer want to DIY (do-it-yourself) everything. I think it’s time to start exploring DFY (done-for-you) services so I can focus more on my zone of genius and less on my zone of expertise.

Please do not use this as a reason to pitch your DFY services to me

lately. I’ve been seeing an increase in direct pitches through my website information form and my business email, and I’m not a fan. It feels predatory.

A person’s zone of genius is what they are really good at, and they love doing

e.g., I love solving high-level business problems, creating systems and processes, and recommending policies to save time and money and make businesses run more efficiently.

While a person’s zone of expertise is what they are really good at, it exhausts them.

e.g., I am excellent at business coaching, but carrying others emotionally burns me out. Having a balanced nervous system also burns me out, perhaps because I currently lack someone to co-regulate with me.

I’m still reading Unmasking for Life, and I really love a lot of Devon’s ideas and recommendations. Part of me is exceptionally jealous that Devon has a PhD, which is an instant credibility boost. Much respect to you, Mr. Price, for doing the work to get the title. It’s not an easy (or cheap) title to obtain.

I dream of one day returning to school fully funded by OPM, other people’s money.

I think the most important thing an autistic person can do is not give away their power by working low paying “gig jobs’ I think it’s figuring out what work is in their zone of genius and what work truly drains their life force energy and a great place to start is taking the sparktype test www.sparktype.com I don’t get an commision from this test and I will say that having worked in domestic labor and currently being unable to get jobs in that field namely because I can no longer mask due to burnout, what we may all want to strive for in the future is doing work that energizes us over work that exhausts us.

Follow along on my burnout recovery journey on TikTok @NDCoachInc